I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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