You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
