my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Vodka?
Forever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
3 2 1 whiskey
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
