hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i will never coherently bang her
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
