im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Too much gin, very little bucket
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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