Just fell off a train. Bad.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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