That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
