Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
