It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
