I'm so fucking centered right now
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
