awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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