I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
