His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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