i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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