Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
