My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
