dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So vagazzling was a success
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
