Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
