Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize