i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
