brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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