If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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