You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
