I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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