is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
