ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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