I just gift wrapped bread.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
