Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
