I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
