Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
