too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
