yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
