and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
