3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize