i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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