He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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