sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
