I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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