I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
