Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
