made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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