The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
