Redeem this text for a blowjob
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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