I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize