Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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