WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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