Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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