That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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