I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
