Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
