Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize