If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
