I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
