I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
