She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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