ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
