If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
