Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
