no. you can't hotbox the world.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
