Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize