How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
