Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
