i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
