I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
