If i come over, it means nothing
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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