If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
