Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
