Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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