Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
