So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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