You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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