I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
