oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
