I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
