do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
time to smoke my breakfast
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
