the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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