whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
