my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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