so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
